Sunday, March 31, 2013

The arrow and the wind

My dreams:

1) To be a part of something greater than myself - to be a part of something big that I can't do on my own. To work with a team of people I care about to accomplish something together, and in the end relish and savor the victory of success.

2) The slight opposite of my first dream, I want to succeed as an artist in my own right, without being part of a team. To have my art be its own identity. To have people say, OH that's a Tiffanny drawing! I like her style! To be a master at drawing so that I can freely express myself, like I can with speaking or writing.

3) To have my art say something meaningful to the world - For someone to be touched by the message of whatever I have to say, whether it's a laugh or a cry, or a sigh. For images to mean something, rather than just "This is a cute girl, This is a good concept drawing of a unicorn, or monkey" I want people to be struck emotionally, in some way, like, "OMG that's so funny!" or, "I cried when the same thing happened to me"

In the last few years, so many personal battles have allowed me to lose sight of my life goals. I'm reiterating it right now, for clarity's sake. I will be an arrow, pointed at these goals, and I will hit every one of them. Life is too short to meander along.

Some people are wind.

The wind is only your friend when it is behind you. Otherwise it is either pushing you down, pushing you back, pushing you sideways, and throwing things at you. People like this cannot be in your life, if you are to hit your mark perfectly. Some dreams are hard enough without people like this around.

Dreams can be very very fragile. Few people have dreams anymore because they get abandoned so easily. Giving up is so very easy. Inaction is far easier than action. Looking around me, meeting so many people, I've heard it so many times people saying "I always wanted to ____ but it seemed too hard so I became ____  instead". I hear people say, "As much as I want ____ my heart isn't in it anymore". Your dreams are worth protecting and fighting for. Fight for the people you love, fight for the career you want, fight for the recognition, the money, the car? You want a hot body? whatever. In that movie, Pursuit of Happyness, the character Chris Gardner says to his son "You want it? go get it, period."

I have been in such bad shape lately. I used to be the girl who hit my goals no matter what. I exercised 6 days a week without fail (for 10 years, no matter how busy I got), I worked on my art daily. I exercised my dog regularly. I fed my brain with books. But just yesterday, I started wondering about what the point of life is. Why I work so hard to find myself feeling so alone and sad. I cried until I had nothing left, I was so depressed. That's not me. How have I become this way? I have lost sight of the big picture. The big three goals I've always had that I've been chasing. I got lazy and I lost sight of it. I can see it again, and I'm going to go get it, period.


Danny said...

You are so brave to post such personal stuff! I think we all feel like this from time to time, but I really admire you for feeling motivated to kick ass and get what you want. It's a big inspiration and I needed it too :)

Wendi Chen said...

A very lovely and well-written post. Your work is truly beautiful, thank you so much for the follow! :)

Ted Blackman said...

Hi Tiff.
Well, I lost sight of my dream when I got my first job in animation. I'd never made that kind of money before and for the first time I was able to buy anything I wanted, plus I met so many new friends who shared the same interests as I did. Before I knew it, 29 years had passed in which I'd been working on other peoples projects, not my own. It's very common in my business. You just get too comfortable with making money easily.
But finally, in the last 6 months I began putting together my first cartoon book, and I'm doing something with MY art again. I feel all that youthful energy coming back and am no longer 'dying on the vine', which is a feeling that I've had in my gut for the last ten years because I'd been neglecting my own artistic calling. Anyway, I think that's important. Take care.

Anonymous said...

Sorry to read that you've been in the dumps recently. It's always a bit of a letdown when you learn how (apparently) few people see things the way you do.

The important thing to remember about things like that, I think, is to always look outside your regular sphere of people. Creatives are all looking for that one person (hopefully "people") who would happily pay them for their work because it struck a chord with them. The trick is finding those people. Luckily, we do live in an age where thoughts and ideas from around the world are literally at one's fingertips, and even this wide network doesn't cover everyone you could possibly meet.

I remember finding your site for the first time through Illustration Friday. I really admire how you handle watercolors and the fact that you actually paint rather than do everything digitally, and I especially liked seeing how the finished pieces were made. I subscribed to your site's RSS feed, which is how I read this latest post. I guess sometimes it's easy to be a silent onlooker on the internet, but I just wanted to not be silent for a change and let you know that you do have an audience. Sometimes they find you, and sometimes you have to find them yourself, but they are definitely out there.

Best wishes for the future and we're looking forward to what you come out with next!

Rowan said...

Hi Tiffanny,

I stumbled over your blog a year or so ago and check in to see new artwork once in a while. Just wanted to say that your paintings are fantastic and that you definitely have the talent to achieve those dreams.

Irene said...

You are such a beautiful person and a wonderful artist who inspires me to push myself to practice my watercolor every day. I have lost sight of things as well, many times over. All I can say is that I am glad you are back and seeing your big picture again. I sure did miss you.

DogChamp14344 said...

go TIP!!! I went through the same thing last year. You can do it!!

Without difficulties, it's hard to gain perspective. It's easy to be mediocre!!