When I Was A Stupid Kid, I had a tiny little problem....
My
CANNIBALISTIC baby sister JOANNY.
She particularly liked biting knees, and your back. Why?!! I DONT KNOW. She's a strange one, that kid. If any baby ever needed a binky, it was her.
Look at that evil little face... (cute... but evil...)
So, you'd be minding your own business, and she would sidle up to you, ever so quietly.
THEN WHAM, she'd latch on to you unexpectedly, sending your heart into overdrive. I swear I'm surprised I didn't die of a heart attack at the age of 7.
Unfortunately, there are laws against kicking a baby's ass. But that's ok, I had my own solution.
And that solution....
is KIDNAPPING............Her toys, that is. I told her, with my most grown-up voice........
I WARNED her. I warned her!! She understood. OH YES SHE DID. She knew what the consequences would be if she bit me JUST ONE MORE TIME. Indeed-y!!! I'm positive that she knew what would happen if she bit me JUST ONE MORE TIME. I could see the comprehension in her eyes. And yet....
WELL I COULDN'T BACK DOWN NOW!!!!!! If I didn't snap her little Barbie doll in half, she'd NEVER listen to me. She'd KNOW that every threat from here on out would be an empty one. It had to be done!!!!!!!
But....
UH OH. DAD. "IT'S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE!" I pleaded.
Dad can be reasoned with!! All I have to tell him is that Joanny was BITING me, and that I HAD to snap her Barbie in half, because if i DIDN'T, she would NEVER listen to me, because all my threats would be empty. He'll totally get it. Besides, SHE started it. I mean, I didn't draw first blood! Joanny will SURELY be punished for this!! And the nightmare will finally end!!
But...
And that's how a baby defeated me, When I Was a A Stupid Kid. WHY didn't my parents buy this kid a binky? I will never know.
THE END
Tell me about your sibling rivalry stories!!! I would LOVE to hear it!
Tiffanny
